


The Javert

by Sarah1281



Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Schönberg/Boublil, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack, Gen, Men like you can never change, Parody, the Lorax - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-10
Updated: 2013-02-10
Packaged: 2017-11-28 21:16:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/678974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarah1281/pseuds/Sarah1281
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Valjean is about to chop down a Truffula tree when a loud voice stops him and explains that, even though it is useless since people never change, he needs to stop because he will destroy everything. Valjean promptly reworks his business practices so as to not destroy the environment but will the guardian of the forest ever believe it?Doubtful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Javert

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a kink!meme prompt ‘Javert as the Lorax, Valjean as the Once-ler.’

Valjean was just about to swing his ax and cut down the tree in front of him when he heard a loud voice yelling, “STOP!” 

Automatically, he froze. 

“Just what do you think you’re doing?” the voice demanded, annoyed. 

Valjean turned around to see a tall man with a very flat nose and a great deal of dark facial hair on the side of his face. 

“Hello,” he said politely. “I’m about to chop down this tree.”

The man rolled his eyes. “Yes, yes, I can see that. Only tell me why you would do such a thing.” 

Valjean was puzzled. Did this man think that he would just chop down trees for sport? “I need the tree, you see.” 

“Oh, well if you need it then that makes it perfectly alright!” the man exclaimed, not sounding the slightest bit sincere. 

“But I do,” Valjean protested. “Please believe me when I say that I would not cut down this tree if it weren’t necessary.”

The man said nothing, just looked at him with an unimpressed stare. 

Valjean felt compelled to speak further and try to justify his position. “I own a factory, you see-”

“Ah yes,” the man interrupted bitingly. “There is always a factory!” 

“I am just trying to industrialize this town for the good of the people,” Valjean said, beginning to feel himself getting a little frustrated. “The people here are poor and life is hard. My thneed seems to be an unexpected success. I need to expand so that I may employ more people and do more good for this town and for that I need these trees.” 

“And just what,” the man asked sourly, “is a thneed?” 

“A thneed is a fine something-that-all-people-need,” Valjean explained. 

“That is not in the slightest bit helpful,” the man said bluntly. “And it’s made of trees?” 

Valjean sighed. “It’s made from the tufts of the Truffula trees. It’s a sort of…shapeless thing that can be molded into all sorts of things. I’ve seen it become a shirt, a sock, a glove, and a hat. It’s become a carpet, a pillow, a sheet, a curtain, and even a bicycle seat! It’s very affordable, more affordable than some of these things that it’s replacing, and it’s really helping people.” 

“You realize that what you just described is not actually possible, right?” the man asked rhetorically. “Not if it’s not some weird clay-thing and you want it to retain its shape.” 

Valjean shrugged. “I do not know about ‘not possible’ since I do, in fact, have a product that does just that. Perhaps ‘improbable’ but I fully acknowledge how mysterious and wonderful the Truffula tree tufts are.” 

“Maybe you need to stop worrying about making people rich for a minute and focus on what’s really important,” the man snapped. 

“I’m not trying to make people rich, though I would certainly not oppose hard-working people being rewarded for their toil,” Valjean protested. “What could be more important than helping these people stay alive and take care of their families? And who are you, anyway?” 

“I am called the Javert,” Javert introduced himself. “I speak for the trees.” 

“Oh,” Valjean said, a little bewildered. “Do they have something they need to say.” 

Javert gave him a long-suffering look. “Yes. ‘Stop cutting us down.’ I would have thought that that would have been obvious.” 

Valjean flushed. “Well, I’m sorry that they aren’t happy that I’m cutting them down but I need to do this.” 

“You’re not just ‘cutting them down’,” Javert argued. “You are murdering them. Brutally. And you have to stop.” 

Valjean thought that this was probably an exaggeration. Trees might be alive but they did not possess a soul. They didn’t, did they? They certainly did not move or speak. “I don’t-”

“And I’m not just saying this for the sake of the trees that you clearly care nothing about,” Javert interrupted. “I’m also saying this because the forest provides the habitat of and food for all manner of animals and you will be leaving them homeless at best if you chop down all of the trees and probably even outright kill them. And if you don’t care about them, and I doubt a man like you does, then think of the fact that trees produce oxygen. Without trees, breathing is…problematic. And all that sludge that you’re dumping into the environment? It’s manageable now but the more you expand the bigger a problem it’s going to be and soon this land will not be fit for human inhabitance. You are going to destroy the world is what I’m saying, basically.” 

That was most certainly an exaggeration. Valjean doubted he’d be able to do worse than destroy this tiny corner of it. But that was a sobering thought just the same. He had never wanted to hurt anybody, only help them! But what good would lining the peoples’ pockets with coin be if he destroyed their home? And those poor animals…

“Javert…You must believe me when I said that I had no idea what I was doing!” Valjean exclaimed. “I would never have otherwise acted in such a manner.” 

Javert just sighed. “Of course not. Your kind never do. But I am wasting my breath. A man like you can never change.”

“I can!” Valjean argued fervently. “I will!”

“When this all ends badly, and it will all end badly, you will only have yourself to blame,” Javert said bluntly, ignoring him. “You have been warned.” 

\----

Valjean did not see Javert again for nearly a year after the other man had stopped him from chopping down that tree but he thought of him every day and the future that might have happened if he had not shown up when he had. 

Finally, one day when Valjean was busy in his office working on plans to build a second factory, Javert just casually strolled into his office. Valjean did not believe in having security to keep people out but he did at least have a secretary who let him know if someone was coming or asked people to wait if he was in the middle of something. He wondered briefly how the man had gotten by his secretary but decided it was probably some ‘guardian of the forest’ thing. 

“I told you,” Javert said, looking strangely triumphant even in his fury. “I told you that you could not change. I’m sure you had the best of intentions and yet look where we are today. Exactly where I said we would be.” 

“It is not as you say!” Valjean exclaimed, horrified. 

Javert looked pointedly around the office. “Indeed.”

“I am still producing my thneeds,” Valjean conceded. “But-”

“And the thneeds take the trees which in turn destroys the environment which condemns everything else,” Javert cut him off. “I feel like we’ve had this conversation before.” 

“I never needed the entire tree, just the tufts,” Valjean pointed out. “It is the same as plucking off about half the leaves of a regular tree, I think. I did not need to cut down the trees though, to my shame, it had never occurred to me to do it another way before you showed up.” He bowed his head.

“So…you simply remove the tufts?” Javert asked, puzzled. 

“Only half of the tuft,” Valjean corrected. “I have been told that Truffula trees need their tufts to feed themselves and I would not deny them that.” 

“You are lying,” Javert said dismissively. 

“I-I am not!” Valjean exclaimed. “Just go take a look at the forest if you don’t believe me.” 

Javert glanced disdainfully at the window. “Perhaps later. I don’t really need to.”

“You can’t insist that I’m doing something terrible and then refuse to look at any proof that I’m not!” Valjean burst out. 

“Tell me,” Javert said abruptly, “why would you bother to remove half of the tufts of the trees now but insist on cutting them down before? I’m assuming that doing it one way is significantly faster than the other.”

“Well…yes,” Valjean conceded. “But I was looking at it purely from an efficiency standpoint. It was faster to cut the trees down and process them than to have about half of the tufts individually plucked. Once I realized that I was doing great harm, I found another way.” 

“And so you were willing to sabotage your business practices?” Javert asked skeptically. 

“Actually, doing it this way helped business,” Valjean disagreed. “Or at least it helped the people. In order to keep up with the demand, I had to hire more tree-pluckers.” 

“But your business is expanding! I see those plans for expansion on your desk!” Javert said accusingly. “Do you really expect me to believe you will limit yourself by not making use of every available tuft?” 

“I would be limiting myself by cutting all the trees down as then there would be no more tufts and there are only so many trees in the world,” Valjean countered. “We have also planted many more trees. And while it takes a few years for a Truffula tree to reach maturity, we can still harvest a little from the growing trees and no harm seems to have befallen them.” 

Javert is temporarily speechless and he can tell that this just serves to further aggravate this mysterious tree guardian. “What about all the sludge? Do you really think that just not cutting down trees and planting more can compensate for that?” 

Valjean bowed his head again. “It is to my shame that I had not considered the effect our factory emissions might have on the environment. Now that I do know, though, I have engaged some very bright and very creative young scientists to find a way to make our factory produce less hazardous waste. We are improving monthly.”

Javert didn’t look like he believed him. 

Valjean sighed. “Good God! Did you pay attention to nothing on your way here?”

“I might have materialized inside your factory so as to not be forced to suffer through the mess you have no doubt made of the environment,” Javert said casually. 

“I hope you do not take offence at this,” Valjean said slowly, “but I really do have to wonder what the point is of having a tree guardian to speak for the trees and intercede between them and the people who would hurt them if you have so little faith that anything will come of your efforts.” 

“This was not my choice but a duty,” Javert said simply. “And I only speak the truth.” 

Finally fed up, Valjean stood abruptly and marched towards the door. 

“You may flee if you like but you will never be able to outrun your crime,” Javert called out before promptly following him. 

“I am not attempting to outrun anything and I have committed no crime,” Valjean said seriously as he led the way outside. “I merely wish to show you the dystopia you imagine I am creating.” 

Javert blinked as he stepped into the sunlight. There were, perhaps, even more trees around than there had been last year (though many of them were not full-grown) and the scene before him was almost unbearably idyllic. 

Valjean was watching him expectantly. 

“I am not convinced.”

Valjean drew back, amazed. “How can you not be convinced? You have the evidence of your own eyes that all is well! I have made the people prosper and taken care of the environment!” 

“You are likely just putting on a façade and hiding the truth of your crimes,” Javert deduced. 

“You are welcome to stay and see for yourself that I am not,” Valjean replied unthinkingly. 

Javert smiled coldly. “I intend to do that. And when I prove that I am right, that once a tree-killer always a tree-killer, we shall see what will be done. I’m sure that even your people have laws against this sort of thing.”


End file.
